Water in the desert

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." ---Isaiah 43:19

I didn't see it then, but now I do. It was hard, so hard to walk out the path laid before us.

A month after I graduated high school I found myself pregnant and unmarried; thankfully with the man I knew I wanted to marry (just not so soon). We were married in a small ceremony with immediate family just 3 months before our baby was born. Neither of us had a steady income because we were both students. So we lived in a basement of some family members with very little space, while we both finished up school for the next year and a half. It was be no means ideal, or traditional, in starting a family. But we did what we had to to make things work.

What pulled me through that time was knowing that God had not abandoned me. And that I loved my baby as soon as I knew he was a positive pregnancy test. Nothing else was certain in my world. Literally nothing. But I knew if I submitted my life to God that He would ultimately carry me through.

"Find You Here" by Ellie Holcomb describes perfectly how I felt at the time...

it's not the news that any of us hoped that we would hear
It's not the road we would have chosen, no
The only thing that we can see is darkness up ahead

But You're asking us to lay our worry down and sing a song instead

And I didn't know I'd find You here
In the middle of my deepest fear, but
You are drawing near
You are overwhelming me, with peace

So I'll lift my voice and sing
You're gonna carry us through everything
You are drawing near
You're overwhelming all my fears, with peace…

11 years ago today I gave birth to the boy who became the light in my life. The boy who gave me so much joy. I was by no means a great mom at first, but I tried. We didn’t have much, but we were on this new path together—a family of 3.

I look back at the "college experience" I missed, the money and house I didn't have, the black maternity dress I wore to my wedding, how my 1st born didn't have a bedroom until he was nearly 2...... those things were not important in the big picture. Not having those things grew my character & made me better (trust me, I still have a long ways to go!). But that is what God does. He takes broken and makes it beautiful. He grows us through trial and tribulation. I have learned to love Romans 5:1-5..... "we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope...."

What if I hadn't had my 1st born.... I may have missed all God had for me. I don't even want to imagine that. These 3 boys light up my world.

God has made a way for us even when it didn't seem likely. He gave us what we needed to get by and the people in our lives that we needed to carry us on in the right direction. Those people were literally the hands and feet of Christ. Looking back I SEE that now. They were water in the desert.

So here is a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the boy who was like a river in the desert. The boy who stole my heart, made me a mom, a better person —and most importantly— made me chase after God harder than I ever had before.

M, you are thoughtful, inquisitive, smart, a "mini adult", kind, and the best big brother I've ever seen. I love you sweet boy. Please don't ever stop asking all the questions about life.

I am so thankful God knows the way, and we do not have to. We just have to trust, and let Him show us the way in our wilderness. He has done that for me, and He continues to do that for me with the different things I walk through. I am so thankful God chose me to be this boy's mother, and that He is using my dark times for illuminating His goodness. And because of Him, my shame is gone—I am free. I am precious in His sight. You too, were created in God's image—no matter what you have walked through. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. So keep your chin up, and choose to see the good that is in store for your life.

Sending lots of love on this precious day!