Why we are fostering again

After much prayer and consideration, we have put ourselves back out there to foster! Our ‘why’ is the same as it always has been. After a 5 month break, we are now more aware of the heartbreak that goes along with fostering. But we’ve decided to continue putting our hearts out there for the taking, for the good of the children with no choice in it all. To love them during some of the hardest times in their life.

Our fostering our story so far has been good—but also incredibly hard…..

The last 2 1/2 years we have been licensed foster parents, in that time we have had 2 long term placements, and countless respite care for others (short term relief for other foster parents).

It all started on my birthday, December 28th 2016, I had a burning in my heart for foster care that was like nothing else I had ever felt. A week later I reached out to Four Oaks to get more information, so we could discuss what this could actually look like for us. In March we reached out and asked how we could get signed up. They were booked out for classes until June near us, but they had a last minute opening in a city 45 minutes away starting the next week! So we took it as a sign, and jumped in. By July, after 30 hours of class, a couple home studies, and our paperwork filed—we were licensed.

Why did we go the foster care route? We knew we were done having biological kids, but we had a desire for more kids to raise (kind of a weird feeling huh?! but being a mom is truly my favorite job). We also knew we were open to more kids whether they be permanently in our family or not. And the ability to also love on their bio parents, was a big bonus in our minds. We would love to see families restored. After I started to feel that tug on my heart towards foster care (I’m the heart, my husband is the brains) When my husband was still on the fence, I kept saying to my husband, “if not us, then who? Who will say yes?” God not only called both of us then, but He equipped us. We have the resources, support, and love. We have been given more than we deserve. (which most americans have!) We knew we didn’t want to just live ‘normal’ lives. We felt like we were truly stepping into our calling on this season of life.

I was so worried about how it would affect our kids, but that is so laughable now. Our kids have seen broken families, dirty clothes, little possessions, parents who don’t show up for short visits, amongst many other heartbreaking things…. They are so thankful for what we provide them. They have a unique perspective on life now, and have learned empathy at a young age. And I am convinced that they were made to foster too. They have been amazing with all of the kids in our home. Don’t ever let your ‘own kids’ be a reason you don’t foster. There is so much for them to gain doing hard things alongside of you. That’s not to say that it won’t be hard at times for them. We still have tears every once in a while from them over our most recent loss. But they have been the ones asking continually when we will foster again.

Our most recent loss was this past year we had a girl in our care for 8 months, who we loved like our own. The last 6 weeks she was in our care were a nightmare with the system. Between court dates, untruthful dhs workers, and extended family suddenly in the picture (with all of their broken relationships). The way the transition played out (transition is probably too nice of a word) was too quick for anyone to wrap their mind around. Our sweet girl cried before each of the 3 visits, before they transitioned her permanently. The last time we saw her, DHS came early so my husband was at work, and she kicked—screamed—sobbed—and reached for me. I was gutted as the car pulled away, knowing that the promises of future contact were probably empty ones. It left us all feeling broken. We truly weren’t sure we were going to do it again. It was so traumatic. But despite feeling broken, I also felt so strong. I had done hard things I didn’t know I could do with my head held high. My hope for justice was resting in the Lord. We had walked through all of these fires, yet we didn’t feel burned. We felt God’s protection over our lives. And we felt his strength holding us up.

Our friends and family rallied around us, and carried us. They came to court, prayed over our sweet girl and us, called us just to cry with us each time we felt another blow, drove to our house last minute to not let us sit alone in our worries…. amongst many, many, other acts of kindness. When it was all over, we left for vacation with some of our best friends the very next day after she left. Which was actually planned 9 months earlier, before we even had her (God’s perfect timing and provision). It was exactly what we needed. I needed to get away from that empty house, where the giggles, smiles, and sassy-sweet girl had ruled.

In August of this year we contemplated our previous plans of adoption from 7 years earlier… we looked into agencies again, and prayed about it…. but we just didn’t feel the kind of peace we felt about doing foster care. Which honestly, is the much scarier option. It feels so out of control. But there is a peace there that can’t be explained.

I was nervous about what our family and close friends would say when we told them we had felt called to foster again after the last experience we walked together. But to my surprise, their faces lit up and most said things like, “we know you were made to foster, we were waiting to hear this, this is good, we are glad you took time to heal and are ready to step back in. After all, what is life really about if you’re not trying to help others?” Encouragement after encouragement. We received the blessing from others who walked alongside us to begin again. God obviously wasn’t just working in our hearts over the last 5 months, but also in theirs.

One of my favorite verses from this past year is: 2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, and not by sight. This is so true, because if I was walking by sight right now, I would definitely not foster again. I saw that it is hard. I saw that the system is messy. I saw that we had no control. But my FAITH tells me that it is worth it. I grew exponentially this past spring when we walked through darkness. That in itself was worth it. I truly learned just how strong I am.— just how strong our family is. During the hardest days I held my gaze on Isaiah 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. I truly fixed my mind on God because if I looked elsewhere everything was totally out of control.

I have not seen what good has come from that specific situation for our daughter, but I am confident that God did not forget her. That during the last 5 months He has provided for her, just like He has for us. That we can trust He has great plans for her future. We also know that the 243 days she was in our care had purpose. For 243 days we held her, prayed for her, and loved her like she was our own. My prayer for her for almost a year now, has been that she would be a peacemaker. Every night we read the same book together “When God Made You”. She would listen so intently and quietly to the whole book, except for the page that said You, the peacemaker. She would always say “the peacemaker?”, like it was a question… and I would say “yes you, ____, The Peacemaker.” I can still hear her sweet little voice saying those big words. Knowing she was declaring that of herself at a young age gives me great comfort and hope.

I share our story in hopes that you are encouraged to love beyond what you think is possible. Whether it be in pursuing foster care, adoption, or simply loving someone who is hard to love. I do not share this for praises. This is our normal. This is what we have been called to. We are not amazing people. We are ordinary people empowered by an amazing God. We have many people around us who care for and encourage us, and for that we are so incredibly thankful and blessed.

If you are interested in or are currently doing foster care, I’d love to connect! And if it is on your heart, I encourage you to walk by faith. Not by your feelings, timing, convenience, or sight. If He calls you, I am confident He will equip you, and provide for you. If you feel that calling on your heart. Follow it. It is so hard, but worth it.